Overthinking It
by RebbieChan
Summary: After a late night going over plans, Lexa offers Clarke to spend the night with her. Clexa.


"You should rest, Clarke." Lexa called from the edge of her bed. Clarke was making a habit of staying up late and pouring over plans. She didn't mind the having the company of the Skykru leader but it was getting to the point that neither of them were getting much sleep.

"We have one chance at this, Lexa." Clarke snapped, "I can't rest knowing that one mistake could-!" She had turned to face the Commander, but when their eyes met she cut off. The blonde closed her eyes and placed her hand on the table behind her for support. "You're right." She sighed. "Can't think straight if I'm exhausted."

She certainly looked the part. Clarke's shoulders sagged and instead of the seriousness and fire in her eyes, they appeared dull and half focused. The weight of worry for her people and the monuments tasks of peace and battle both behind and before her were showing. A leader must have the appearance of strength even when one was beaten down, but Lexa knew that keeping up appearances took its toll as well. It was hard to know when it or if it was safe to lower those defenses.

Lexa stood up and crossed over to stand beside her. Her eyes roved over Clarke, although this time she had to admit it wasn't entirely to assess the exhaustion in her features. The other girl didn't seem to notice. Even in a clear state, however, Clarke had such a one-track mind that she likely wouldn't. Despite the questionable purpose of her stare, Lexa easily gathered that she was exponentially less tired than her companion. She wondered if Clarke had been getting any sleep at all over the past few nights.

She considered the thought that sat in the forefront of her mind. Offering her own bed was very likely a bad idea and not something that she, as Heda, should do but at the very least it would ensure that Clarke actually went to bed. Lexa quelled the questioning thought of whether she had ulterior motives here. Just because she liked Clarke, that didn't mean that they couldn't platonically share a bed. She silenced the rising, dreading thoughts that this definitely was a bad idea by speaking.

"You may spend the night here if you don't want to make the hike to your tent in the dark." Her heart beat fast as she watched Clarke consider it.

"I don't want to put you out," Clarke said in a way that made it sound like she really rather would if not for being polite.

"You'll put me out more if you can't find your way without someone carrying you."

Clarke gave a soft, small smile of admission. She knew that she was that tired, she couldn't even keep her eyes open standing up. "Alright," She said, "Thank you Lexa."

Lexa nodded before turning to face the table. She reached to put out the nearest candle. "But first help me put out the lights." They moved around the tent putting out the candles until there was just the one bedside.

She could feel Clarke's eyes on her as if she suddenly realized after the week or so of using it like a shared room that the tent was Lexa's space and that she was a guest in it. The blonde shifted her weight from foot to foot, nervous, expectant.

Lexa sat back down on the edge of the bed and took off her boots. Despite taking the offer, had she made Clarke uncomfortable with it? She set them down against the far end of the bed. She glanced over to find Clarke sat next to her and followed suit. Lexa felt a wave of relief, she was simply looking to her for direction.

It was a little strange, she had not seen Clarke waiting to follow anyone's lead once in the short time that she had known her. It was out of politeness and respect for being in the commander's personal space, but didn't she know that acting this way towards another group's leader was incredibly dangerous. If Lexa were anyone else, this would be used against Clarke one way or another.

A thought came to her amongst the advice she felt coming up her throat – was it because Lexa was who she was that Clarke was okay with this, that she even considered the offer? That she felt safe with her?

Implications danced in her mind and again she quieted them by speaking. "Goodnight, Clarke." Lexa said before putting out the last candle and laying down. She took the inside half of her bed and kept her back to the blonde. The last thing she needed was a constant visual reminder that the girl she was _stupidly_ falling in love with was in bed with her.

She heard Clarke lay down as well and pull the blanket over her. Lexa could hear her breathing slow as she drifted to sleep almost instantly. She wished to do the same, grateful that with Clarke asleep she could get some rest herself, but it wasn't happening.

Her back was rigid, shoulders tense. She felt on edge, wired. Despite having her back turned, she was horribly aware of the girl next to her. Lexa couldn't help think that this must mean _something_. She wouldn't take the offer she gave Clarke, even if it was Clarke who had offered it.

 _Stop thinking about this_. She told herself. It was pointless. _Go to sleep._

She remembered when they had been running from that the Pauna, having watched over one another as they slept. Even under the threat of danger Clarke looked so peaceful, the only time she had seen her relaxed.

Lexa fought the urge to glance over, just get a look, and take in the moment for whatever it was.

 _Stop it._

Come to think of it the last time she shared a bed with anyone was Costia.

 _Now you really have to stop it._ She was not going to go down that road. Not now. Maybe not ever. _Just go to sleep._

It didn't matter how many times she told herself to calm down, stop being foolish and to go to sleep. Nothing helped. She was more awake now than she was hours ago.

Since she wasn't going to get any sleep, she might as well make herself comfortable. Lexa rolled over onto her back and grabbed a second blanket hanging from the headboard as Clarke had miraculously stolen the one they shared. She couldn't fathom how, Clarke seemed to move so little and was in such a deep sleep that she kept watching to check that she was breathing.

Clarke was laying on her stomach, face turned away from her. Moon and starlight had worked through the tent canvas casting a glow over her silhouette. She was so beautiful, so earnest, so likely to suffer through the same mistakes Lexa had.

In that moment she wanted to hold her and assure the girl that she really was safe around her. That she would do her best to steer her from those inevitable horrors that come from being in charge, to prepare her for what challenges would come, to listen and be there with her so she wouldn't have to suffer it alone.

Lexa closed her eyes. Was that what this was? Simply longing to have someone who could understand the burdens she bared so that it wasn't just her holding it all in? Her only answer was to think rationally: she didn't need an answer because it didn't matter because pursuing a romantic relationship with Clarke would be an even worse idea than this one.

She heard Clarke shift and glanced over. A pair of blue eyes stared back at her, blinking away the traces of sleep. Lexa's mouth felt dry and it took a moment for her hushed words to come out. "You're awake."

"So are you." Clarke made the slightest notion of a stretch. Her tone lightened, "for a moment I forgot where I was."

For the first time since they laid down, Lexa's thoughts quieted and it was just the two of them and the sounds of the forest. She faced the roof of her tent, feeling tension and nerves rise in her chest.

"I'm sorry," She heard Clarke say, "for snapping at you earlier." The girl paused before continuing. "It's just…this isn't something I've done before. Not really." Lexa tilted her head to face her again, indicating that she was listening.

"Done what?" Lexa asked.

Clarke searched her face for a moment as if looking for a sign that she could tell the grounder commander this. "Lead," She said honestly, "Back on the Ark, I never – I was just a kid."

She was scared, how could she not be? But Lexa had been through the same thing, she hoped by showing her that it would provide Clarke some comfort. "I was sixteen when I was called to lead my people," She said.

Clarke's eyes softened. "Then you understand?"

Lexa nodded in response, holding her gaze. She kept the eye contact as she spoke. "We are chosen for this life, but we choose what to make of it."

"But _I_ wasn't chosen," Her frank honesty felt intense, like children sharing secrets hoping their mothers' wouldn't hear. "My mom is the leader, not me."

Lexa shifted onto her side. It wasn't a question, it was a fact. "But _you_ are the one who leads."

This seemed to get through to Clarke, who looked away and silently mulled things over. She was thinking too hard about things she could do nothing about again.

Lexa hesitated before leaning a little closer, hoping to distract Clarke from her concerns. "Could you tell me about it? This Ark?"

Clarke looked back up to her again, a little surprised by the question. As she moved a few strands of hair fell in her face.

"You've done well to learn our ways," Lexa explained, "while I know nothing of yours." She reached across the space between them and tucked the loose strands behind Clarke's ear. The blonde's gaze drifted down slightly and her hand lingered for a moment.

Clarke opened her mouth to speak. "Um…" she bit her lip. Lexa withdrew, afraid again that she had made a mistake. "Well," she spoke carefully, "have you been told why we came to the ground?" Lexa knew a little, but she shook her head and listened intently as the story was told.

She moved from topic to topic, lulling herself to sleep with her words. Lexa listened to all of it, asking questions when she didn't understand the meaning of a word and staying quiet when she didn't understand things after multiple explanations.

Lexa was not certain how much time it had been when Clarke fell back asleep, but it was not far enough from morning. She managed maybe an hour or two of rest before the sun rose and they were both up again to prepare for the day.

Her guards outside her tent cast a look over Clarke as she left to check on a things with her mechanic, but said nothing. Questioning looks passed among them which turned seemingly less curious as their commander spent the length of the day stifling yawns.

Lexa wondered whether it would be better or worse for her case to set her warrior's assumptions straight, but she dropped the thought. She was too exhausted to consider it and Clarke was back in her tent again over thinking every last piece of their plan.


End file.
